I Allow Myself A Down Day or Two

Yesterday was the first day of sheer exasperation since being make redundant.

Today was the second day.

I am totally exhausted from thinking about it, talking about it, and every moment of every day being about it.

I feel a pressure to justify any time not spent on it, and I only feel a little less guilty when I've spent time working on one of my projects instead because that's at least constructive.

I checked my menstrual cycle chart and i'm not due so I can't even feel a slight sense of relief that that's all it is.

It's as though my professional identity is now 'job seeker' and that's exactly what I wanted to avoid. LinkedIn is full of people so desperate to share their 'authentic' story that their brand is 'struggling job seeker' and whilst the vulnerability may be endearing, it's not my style and I won't do myself a disservice by making it my thing.

I've edited my CV so many times that I feel like my whole career and professional identity rests on 10 specific achievements, and i've focussed on them so much now that they sound so insignificant.

I swing between doubting my abilities and value, to being simply unable to believe that I won't land an incredible opportunity because I know how good I am.

Nearly every sentence in this post starts with 'I', and it's exhausting being so self-obsessed and consumed with my own life. I wish I didn't need to use LinkedIn as part of this process. I wish I didnt need to think about IG for my projects. I know for a fact that having to spend so much time on these platforms the last months is definitely contributing to how I feel right now because it's constant exposure to things that are competing to be the best, and better than me.

I dream of the day when I don't need to think about myself, and my value, and my experience and my impact...

SOLUTION INCOMING!

I pride myself on my mental health, and my ability to experience the version of the world that serves me. A negative thought enters my mind and I bat it away before it has time to settle, because I know what a slippery slope that can be.

Indulging in self-pity is easy, and it's comfortable, and it's addictive.

It's this mental resolve that has probably held off these thoughts and feelings until now, 3.5 months isn't bad at all I'd say!

I never wanted this to be a negative experience so I have to get in the right frame of mind to feel that this is an opportunity once again. I need some of my feel good energy back so I need to fill up my own cup.

When I feel like this, (and thank god it is rare!), I need to allow myself one or two days to wallow and feel sorry for myself. I've fought against it until now but I think it's needed, just a bit of time to mentally rest and give myself permission to shut off without regret.

So... I'm allowing myself to wallow for a couple days. I'll freely moan, complain and get it all out, and take the weight off of my shoulders for a day or two, and then I'll put my head back on and get ack into fight mode.

I'm giving myself a day or two to wallow and feel sorry for myself

After these two days, on Friday 26/9/25, I'm giving myself permission to not do anything job related. I won't look at my never ending to-do list, I won't feel guilty or justify it to myself, I won't talk about work or my career. I will be myself and be more than a job seeker.

My body and brain needs to reset and refuel.

I know I'll feel better in a few days and I'll wake up and the sun will shine a little bit brighter.

The same 24 hours will pass, this isn't forever and future me will look back at how far I've come and be proud of how I've managed this moment.